Scientists Determine Your Bed Is 75% More Comfortable On Tuesday, November 3rd

After ongoing double-blind studies, sleep scientists at UC Berkeley are confident in their data pointing towards a spike in sleeping comfort on one particular day of the year. Gail Owens, who has been leading the team since 2007, is responsible for this breakthrough pointing towards November 3rd as being the “most comfortable morning to sleep in and stay in bed all day”.

SLATTUM Upholstered bed frame - Knisa light gray - IKEA
“We heavily urge all Americans to stay in bed and relish this discovery on Tuesday, November 3rd, 2020” – Gail Owens

What is pointing towards Tuesday, November 3rd is yet to be determined but the research team is heavily advising everyone to take advantage of it:

This is a once in a lifetime opportunity that we’re advising everyone to take advantage of. Staying in bed all day on November 3rd is the best opportunity for that particular day. This issue is bigger than we will ever know and it’s time for all of us to act.

Gail Owens, chief sleep specialist.

While the most universally comfortable stay-in-bed day was determined to be November 3rd, the research team at Berkeley pointed to several days that affected individual subjects. These resulted in a 15% – 48% increase in full day bed comfortability. Owens mentioned Subject 397 who (despite being scheduled for jury duty on October 17th) found a net-increase of 41% in their overall bed comfort that day.

The date Tuesday, November 3rd, however, seems to point to a universal correlation in all-day relaxation. Citizens are heavily urged to stay indoors and specifically in bed. Although, preliminary research is ongoing regarding the relief of a nice warm bath on Tuesday, November 3rd.

Move Over Tabby- There’s A New Cat Species In Town

Swiss Scientists at the University of Zurich have discovered a latent gene found in orange tabbies that may indicate an undiscovered cat species. The new breed that they’re calling “Crabby Tabbies” have quickly taken a spotlight on instagram for their adorable whiskers and cute tails. Take a look:

Cute kitten with blue eyes and patterns.
Crabby tabby’s are known for their patterns and cute eyes.

Isn’t that just the cutest thing? The Zurich genetics department were quick to “the ‘gram” with these little things. Following the announcement of this new cat species influencers swarmed adoption agencies to snag a Crabby Tabby for themselves. Look, they even suckle the faucet:

Cat drinking from the bathroom faucet.
Crabby Tabby drinking directly from the faucet of their bathroom.

Alessandro Isler, a graduate student of Zurich University, coined the name “Crabby Tabby” to describe the disposition of these new creatures. He states, “These strange little things have a way about them that is indescribable. One moment they are sitting upon the bed aloof and the next moment they are active and slightly irritable.” In any event, we’re loving this new breed. Consider us #teamcrabby!