Quarantining as a Pirate

Yesterday my roommate Alexa gave a pirate outfit , which was so nice of her. My life has changed in a lot of ways since then. Today I will share my story and explain to you how a Pirate copes with quarantine and social distancing.

A normal morning

My day started like any other. I got a professional hair cut for free. My roommate Kathlyn is a stylist and she was very nice to do this. A lot of people don’t have that luxury but I do and I try to remain cognizant of my haircut privilege and also that I am a pirate.

Self care is for pirates, too!

I remembered I had some box dye and a mask so I went all in after my haircut. Pirate spa day! I sent this photo to this guy I like and he said I look like Fiona. I am a pirate! Not an ogre! I had to wait awhile for my dye and mask to set so I decided to take some sexy photos. Here’s one I thought looked really sexy.

Extremely Hot.

Then I took a lot of edibles. My roommate had some sour gummies and I ate five of them. Then I smoked a whole joint alone and played Animal Crossing: New Horizons for a little while.

I like the blue ones.

As a pirate in quarantine it is important to keep your mind sharp and cut down on screen time. I thought maybe playing with my pirate ship or Harry Potter chess might help. I was right, and it was awesome. My roommate Emily gave me some hot tips about puzzle strategy which helped a lot.

The Harry Potter Chess set is collectible.

In summary, being in quarantine is really hard. I want to have sex and make irrational decisions at bars during the work week. I want to get a gym membership I won’t use. There’s so much missing in a pirate’s life while landlocked. The little things help. Look at this dinner my roommate Kathlyn made! I know I’ll have to one up her when it’s my turn but for now, I will happily enjoy this buried treasure.

I really liked it.

I will keep you updated on my journey. You are also welcome to subscribe to my onlyfans account by subscribing to @onlypirate. For now, walk the plank, mateys.

My Roommate Alexa Gave Me A Pirate Outfit

My roommate Alexa was cleaning out her closet. She is the hot bartender at that one east side venue. She gave me a few other things but the most important thing was this, my cool pirate outfit.

My pirate outfit given to me by Alexa. It was kind of her to do that.

I like being a pirate. I look cool and sexy. I decided to throw on “Pirates of the Caribbean” while I drink a White Claw and ate lunch but it wasn’t on Netflix and Disney+ isn’t working on our very old Roku.

Pirates sometimes fire cannons and guns when threatened.

I decided to settle for something else pirate-centric on Netflix and searched “pirate” on the app. Something called “The Pirate Fairy” came up and I got so excited. I clicked it and an error message popped up saying there was a payment issue so I just went to Hulu and put on some political sketch comedy for background noise.

Pirates love all different kinds of food.

Last night I made baked ziti for my roommates, including Alexa. She said she really liked it. Hopefully that’s true. I heated these leftovers up because I was too lazy to make a sandwich. Then I realized there weren’t any clean forks so I used chopsticks.

It tasted really good.

I am pretty full now and a full pirate is a sleepy pirate. I may take a nap or something. I am going to make an onlyfans account later. Now that I am a pirate I am thinking I will have a niche. Anyway, I am off to find treasure booty.

UPDATE: Follow me on onlyfans for more pirate content @midcenturyboner.