Man Wearing Fake Mustache to Mail Ballot Doesn’t Understand Voter Fraud

Omaha, NE — Mike Vamosi, 37, spoke to reporters while walking to the mail dropbox down the street from his apartment complex with a large fake mustache glued to his upper lip.

“I’m so sick of these libs thinking that mail-in-voting is safe and secure. I’m about to prove them wrong,” Vamosi whispered while peeking over his shoulder. “It’s just not possible! I could be anyone and nobody’s gonna check my I.D. or nothing! Watch this.”

Vamosi then began to whistle loudly in a failed attempt to appear nonchalant as he approached the mail dropbox.

“Yep, here I am! Herschel Davidson! Just doing my civic duty and casting my vote!” Vamosi shouted to no one. “Herschel Davidson is my dead step-dad,” Vamosi silently said as he giggled, which suddenly evolved into full-blown sobbing.

“Look!” said Vamosi, holding his ballot envelope in front of him while wiping away a tear. “It says my name ‘Mike Vamosi,’ but as you can see, I don’t look like me anymore! I even signed this envelope and everything!” he said before dropping his ballot in the dropbox and winking to no one. 

Vamosi then cupped his hands around his mouth and shouted “Welp! Time for me to go home, kick back with a hard seltzer, and watch some good ol’ CNN!” directly into the mail slot as if drunkenly ordering Taco Bell on foot in the drive-thru. He then performed an about-face and raised his hand as if to hi-five, before realizing he was alone.

Sources confirm that the mustache was made using real mustache hairs he harvested from his late step-dad’s corpse after a long, drawn out battle with mesothelioma.

Boomer Parody Pages Are Putting Evolutionary Pressure on Ages 55 +, Causing Rudimentary Self Awareness

“Evolutionary pressure is causing rudimentary self-awareness in the older population.”

source: Harvard

Consciousness, most scientists argue, is not a universal property of all matter in the universe. Rather, consciousness is restricted to a subset of animals with relatively complex brains. The more scientists study animal behavior and brain anatomy, however, the more universal consciousness seems to be.

This then begs the question: are people “pretending to be boomers” on the internet holding up a mirror to this cursive loving, 55+ population? Is the self beginning to recognize the self? Are insane memes about “libtard snowflake bull” acting as an absurd foundation for bootstrapping consciousness in this older population?

A political cartoon catering towards geriatric humor demonstrating an increase in cultural and self awareness levels.

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Bicameralism (the condition of being divided into “two-chambers”) is a hypothesis in psychology that argues that the human mind once operated in a state in which cognitive functions were divided between one part of the brain which appears to be “speaking”, and a second part which listens and obeys — a bicameral mind.

source: Yahoo Answers

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Has this theory of the bicameral mind extended beyond itself into a broader cultural context? Is the constant stream of “boomer shitposts” speaking, and the older generation listening?

A meme that doesn’t make any sense documenting this bizarre cultural phenomenon.

Boomer parody pages such as “Garden Hoses & The Olden Days” and “Jekyll Does’nt Hide” (a redneck, meth smoking spin-off of GH&TOD) have pioneered this phenomenon, resulting in a viral phenomenon known as “OK Boomer.”

Darwin is probably rolling over in his grave right about now.

A classic Jekyll Does’nt Hide Meme illustrating the absence of self-awareness often found in the character they “portray.” No one knows who the admins of this page are, however, or if the people running this page are being ironic or not.

A screenshot of GH&TOD’s photo gallery, featuring a variety of memes and images presenting in “the old people style” consisting of Impact font and pixelated images.

Here at D.E. we have been pondering this philosophical impasse greatly, and found ourselves wondering if content creators having infused this level of absurdity into low-tier, often effortless square images has thrown nature for a loop. One recent article about the ecological perspective of challenges and opportunities for baby boomers suggests yes, this could indeed be the case.

In conclusion, the online war that has been waged by millennials against Zoomers & Boomers seems to be having unintended side effects.

What are your thoughts on this thought provoking, politically challenging issue?

She Was Found Alone, Cold, And Hungry With Only A Coin-purse Filled With Teardrops. Heartbreaking…

No family. No friends. Her children would not speak to her anymore. She was cold and terrified, even the slightest sound within earshot would send her into nervous twitches. Her heart was dried up, shriveled and depleted, due to the constant outpouring of unrequited love and compassion she shared for those previously in her life.

Heart wrenching.

We found her drinking her teardrops from the leather satchel

We managed to track down her daughter, who wished to be referred to as “K”, and asked her why she no longer spoke to her mother.

“I do not wish to speak with her because she is an old hag. She is harrowed and barren. Her fortunes are no longer within my grasp. They have vanished like my love for her. I will not seek her out nor will I offer pieties to her. I have taken her gems and jewels and left her with her fabled coin-purse. I am a naughty greedy little leech and she is a haggard wench”…

“K” speaking about her estranged relationship with her mother

Her coin-purse, leather moistened from the collected teardrops.

Surely there must be somebody who cares for this woman. Her petulant children wish to have nothing to do with her. They simply do not respect their elders, the greedy brats they are. When we found her alone upon the walkway under the tattered orange awning of the fish market promenade we were taken aback by the teardrops she had collected. We asked if she had a friend to confide in and she replied “just one”.

Just one friend. Terrible.

We found her friend, another woman who collected teardrops in return for catfish bones. She was spotted trading her catfish bone broth for plastic sandals to protect her brittle feet. We asked her about the coin-purse teardrop woman:

“May the code replicate eternal”

The catfish bone woman

Her only friend…

It is a sad day when we must sit aside as querulous children disrespect the wise old members of society. We hope that by looking into this sullen woman’s history and way of life brought clarity upon the inequities some elderly people experience. Our hearts go out to everyone involved.

Emojis Are The New Cursive And It’s Time For Boomers To Learn It

Baby boomers have been looking down on younger generations for not being able to decipher language in the style known as ‘cursive.’

It has been reported that this older generation is known for taking pride in their ability to write words in one continuous line. One zoomer, age 11, even claimed that “this variation of the written language is somehow intellectually and culturally superior to standard manuscript.”

Lessons from school on how to write in “cursive”

Some have claimed that it doesn’t make much sense to pride oneself on doing things ‘the old fashioned way.’

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Automatic cars are known for their ease of changing gears and overall user friendliness.

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Enough about cars though… millennials and zoomers are fighting back by creating a new language that is challenging their elder’s ability to comprehend the way they communicate every day.

This evolution of the written language has been commonly referred to as “emojis.” What exactly is an “emoji?”

noun

1. a small digital image or icon used to express an idea, emotion, etc.
   

From the perspective of signalling theory, the main obstacle to the evolution of language-like communication in nature is not a mechanistic one. Rather, it is the fact that symbols—arbitrary associations of sounds or other perceptible forms with corresponding meanings—are unreliable and may well be false. As the saying goes, “words are cheap”. The problem of reliability was not recognized at all by Darwin, Müller or the other early evolutionary theorists.

Wikipedia

emojis liven up your text messages with tiny smiley faces

Screenshot of someone expressing happy, cool, and swag emotions in a sentence via the use of emojis.

Many baby boomers have been known to confuse the crying emoji for ‘crying of laughter’ emoji. Many have seen boomers make this mistake more often, but never in this context. Even if it were the crying 😢 emoji, it would still be a tasteless way to inform family of your son’s death.

Apples iPhone keyboard features a wide array of unique, well designed emojis.

Some zoomers are reportedly making their own emojis.. and millennials are following suit, causing the iPhone keyboard to become even more popular.

I cannot doubt that language owes its origin to the imitation and modification, aided by signs and gestures, of various natural sounds, the voices of other animals, and man’s own instinctive cries.

Charles Darwin, 1871. The Descent of Man, and Selection in Relation to Sex