An Interview With John Trulli, The CEO of Cringe, aka Cabbage Cat Memes

Interviewer: What exactly does being the CEO of cringe mean to you? How did you become the CEO of cringe?

Google results showing John as the CEO of Cringe

JT CEOOC: Being the ceo of cringe isn’t a job. Its more of a state of mind. Lots of people are worried about how they are perceived online. If you give up completely on being cool, and let the cringe seep out, everyone would feel a little more comfortable sharing ideas online.

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Interviewer: Have you ever posted cringe and deleted it in the past before you became the CEO of cringe?

JT CEOOC: I became the ceo of cringe once I realized that nothing I was posting was actually funny at all. Most of the comments I got were like “delet this” and “John stop”. My family was getting worried and my old coworkers were slowly dropping off the friends list.

Also, yes I have deleted cringe in my history of going online. Most of the time this happened I was under the influence of cannabis. I’d post stuff and wonder if it made any sense at all, have a mild panic attack and delete it. Maybe it was my best work and maybe it was garbage, it was impossible to know under those conditions.

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Interviewer: Has there ever been a meme you regret creating? What is the most cringe thing you have ever seen online?

JT CEOOC: I regret creating any meme at all. At this age I could have learned a useful skill or anything at all, but somehow it’s more important to me to try and make a dozen strangers chuckle online. Maybe it’s becusse I’m a Leo and need attention or zuckerberg got me addicted to chasing notifications as a replacement for human contact. The most cringe thing I have seen online changes every day. Every day I am utterly surprised at the cringe I encounter. It’s everywhere, it’s growing exponentially, and it has taken over the world. Young people think Facebook is cringe and old people think TikTok is cringe, but in reality we are all participating.

A meme about a kid who looks sort of like a frat boy being on the phone with the CEO of Cringe.

Interviewer: I totally feel that.. There’s definitely a deeper philosophy at work here. How do you think cringe and memes in general will evolve over the next 5-10 years?

JT CEOOC: My opinions are always evolving, but sometimes I come across the thought that Facebook and Instagram are antiquated and boring. I personally enjoy what I see on TikTok at the moment. The next generation is very creative and talented. There’s children learning how to edit videos and that have better taste in music than I do. I’m not sure how long TikTok will last but I think the whole static image thing will start to get boring as we die off. People want to hear distorted bass over a video of someone dipping their balls in soy sauce. As the new generations become more online and crave the surreal, anything is possible. Just have to see what platforms the Illuminati provide us to express ourselves while we become isolated and insane.

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Interviewer: Hell yeah, that makes the future sound exciting. What is your favorite kind of burrito, and what do you think the acronym CEO actually stands for?

JT CEOOC: My favorite kind of burrito is usually whatever is closest to me. I get as many ingredients as possible and try to eat one or two a day. I don’t know how I’d live without that meal. I’ve never really thought about what CEO stands for. Maybe cringe exists online. I’ve tried to look it up but nobody actually knows and that’s why it’s such a cool title to use.

Interviewer: And for the final question, has having so much clout ever gotten to you and have you had to take steps to rectify it? It must be wild growing so quickly as an individual in such a rapidly growing scene.

JT CEOOC: I’ve heard stories of people suffering from clout poisoning. I think it’s impossible to be extremely online and not have it affect you in some way. I’m not sure what it does to me aside from help me pass the time without learning anything real. I meet lots of ppl and learn stuff so that’s my excuse for not giving up. I like to be surrounded by people I think are funny and creative, even if it’s mostly in iMessage. But it led me to a new state and an office with other people that are quite similar to me that I would have never met.

Interviewer: Hell yeah that’s inspiring. Your memes def inspired me to start my own meme pages and it brings constant laughter and joy. Thanks for talking with us!

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Make sure to follow @cabbagecatmemes and @john_trulli on Instagram for a never-ending stream of deeply satisfying, cringe-worthy content!

This Strange Demographic Has Been Shoving Kratom Up Their Ass

Perhaps you remember the Tide Pod Challenge, a meme that went viral in turn causing thousands of children to start eating Tide Pods. Well, it seems as if this phenomenon of people taking IRL cues from the online world is happening again, except this time it’s even weirder. The demographic being referred to in the title is “country girls,” a unique breed of redneck, southern, John Deere driving millennials.

One of the memes referencing the phenomenon of country girls inserting Kratom into their rectums.

This viral phenomenon originated from the hit Facebook meme page “Country Girls Who Boof Kratom” which has amassed nearly 10,000 followers.

The word boof is a colloquial terminology used to denote the act of inserting something into your rectum, usually a drug of some sort.

boof (third-person singular simple present boofs, present participle boofing, simple past and past participle boofed) (transitive, slang) To have anal sex with someone, usually as the penetrative partner (possibly with negative connotations). (transitive, prison, slang) To conceal (a prohibited item) in one’s rectum.

Wiktionary.com’s definition of boof

We interviewed one anonymous fan of the page who claims “I was tired of swallowing so much powder all the time to fuel my habit, and when I heard about using a turkey baster to get the product into my body, I was instantly intrigued.”

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A cowgirl dabbing at the prospect of inserting Mitrogyna Speciosa into her rectum.

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This phenomenon has yet to go mainstream, but here at Despite Everything we eagerly anticipate the day that CNN starts reporting on this bizarre cultural phenomenon. Kratom has been coming under heavy fire as is, particularly from local news channels trying to warn their constituents about this allegedly dangerous product. Imagine if they found out girls were putting it into their rectum! The news would have a hay day.

Screen capture of a local news channel doing a piece on the “dangers of Kratom.”

In conclusion – it appears as if the internet is truly making people go crazy. Especially people who love trucks, mudding, and hay.

Do you know anyone who has tried this? Have southern millennials lost their minds? Share your thoughts in the comments below.

She Was Found Alone, Cold, And Hungry With Only A Coin-purse Filled With Teardrops. Heartbreaking…

No family. No friends. Her children would not speak to her anymore. She was cold and terrified, even the slightest sound within earshot would send her into nervous twitches. Her heart was dried up, shriveled and depleted, due to the constant outpouring of unrequited love and compassion she shared for those previously in her life.

Heart wrenching.

We found her drinking her teardrops from the leather satchel

We managed to track down her daughter, who wished to be referred to as “K”, and asked her why she no longer spoke to her mother.

“I do not wish to speak with her because she is an old hag. She is harrowed and barren. Her fortunes are no longer within my grasp. They have vanished like my love for her. I will not seek her out nor will I offer pieties to her. I have taken her gems and jewels and left her with her fabled coin-purse. I am a naughty greedy little leech and she is a haggard wench”…

“K” speaking about her estranged relationship with her mother

Her coin-purse, leather moistened from the collected teardrops.

Surely there must be somebody who cares for this woman. Her petulant children wish to have nothing to do with her. They simply do not respect their elders, the greedy brats they are. When we found her alone upon the walkway under the tattered orange awning of the fish market promenade we were taken aback by the teardrops she had collected. We asked if she had a friend to confide in and she replied “just one”.

Just one friend. Terrible.

We found her friend, another woman who collected teardrops in return for catfish bones. She was spotted trading her catfish bone broth for plastic sandals to protect her brittle feet. We asked her about the coin-purse teardrop woman:

“May the code replicate eternal”

The catfish bone woman

Her only friend…

It is a sad day when we must sit aside as querulous children disrespect the wise old members of society. We hope that by looking into this sullen woman’s history and way of life brought clarity upon the inequities some elderly people experience. Our hearts go out to everyone involved.

Theoretical Dinosaurs I Made

There’s a lot of dinosaurs that we know so i wanted to help make new ones that may excistsedm

I call it TwoOsaurus it has two neck and move with two feet but have two tail… maybe it is cool and also bad like the one is bad but the other is more happier.

What if he ecxisted like it was a dino that had a heavy hand and spikes that’d be so cool and what if he was a bird beak? Also if he was green but yello green that’d be so cool too and aewosme!

My red dino he has like the vlieociraprot claw toe but is so big and go fast big time now ha faster then the ofhter! oh alwos he haj llike the shaprest teeth in dinoaur

fffssssmmmmmm

jfai)) 8

5 Ways To Make The Apartment Search Fun (While Saving Money)

Live here. Easy.

Searching for a new apartment can leave you exhausted, depressed, and broke. It seems that moving is getting harder and harder these days… until now! Thanks to this handy list you’ll be able to hunt for the perfect apartment in your city all while having fun (and saving some cash)!

Bring a friend

Taking a friend along with you is a good idea when checking out empty apartments. There will be no entertainment or furniture so having a pal by your side will help keep the edge off.

The series “Friends” is about friends living in an apartment.

Ask the realtor questions

Getting to know your realtor/potential landlord might seem boring. “What do they know about the world?” you’ll ask yourself. Well actually the realtor might have some good stories. Ask them about their family, lost loves, or the scariest thing that has happened to them. Who knows, maybe they’ll cut you a deal!

Attentively listening to their story might win you some savings, no matter how boring it is.

Measure everything

Measuring all of the doorways and rooms is a good way to kill time when you’re on the apartment hunt. Keep a list of all the dimensions and compare them when you get home. Maybe a doorframe will be crooked! Cool!

Doorframe not up to code? Let the landlord know you’ll report him to the city unless he comps your security deposit.

Talk to the neighbors

Usually apartments will have neighbors occupying adjacent floors. Talking to them while you’re taking an apartment tour is a great way to network and flex your side hustle. If you become friends with them you can always crash at their place during the weekends; usually apartments are formatted similarly every floor. Rent-free baby!

Talking to this guy is probably more interesting than talking to the landlord anyway.

Haggle

Haggling with the landlord is not only a way to potentially save money but also a good way to kill time. It doesn’t even have to be about the rent! Like their watch? Offer them a pair of shoes you don’t like. Want to save money from the security deposit? Try to set them up with your ex-girlfriend/boyfriend. Who knows what sweet deals you can nab by haggling a bit!

Never be the first to name a price. Let them set the minimum and grind them down from there.

Hopefully these tips help alleviate some of the stress of finding a new apartment. There’s nothing more rewarding than signing that lease and knowing that you didn’t only get a good deal but that you had fun doing it!

This Man Got Put On The No Fly List For Emailing a Picture of a Micropenis to Kobe Bryant’s Helicopter Pilot

In the year 2020, many often wonder what fascism actually is. “Google it,” some might say, attempting to inspire you to learn about political issues online. The world is a microcosm, however, and we can glean insights into larger issues by examining highly specific things. Was the nature of the punishment for “The Man Who Sent The Micropenis” indicative of a failing political and justice system?

Here is a virtual rendition / sketch of the man who committed this crime.

The culprit, Barnaby Edmonds. The man who committed the crime.

In the context of Barnaby’s crime, Reddit has taken to arms pondering the philosophical question of justice. Was his punishment just, they ask? Why has Barnaby been serving as the catalyst for this deeper inquiry into the nature of truth? What does he represent, what is Barnaby Edmonds symbolic of?

These are just some of the questions anxious Redditor’s have been asking each other. One Redditor went on to post an excerpt from a Virginia Woolf novel about the nature of universal microcosms and extrapolating ideas based off of granular events.

Brooding, she changed the pool into the sea, and made the minnows into sharks and whales, and cast vast clouds over this tiny world by holding her hand against the sun, and so brought darkness and desolation, like God himself, to millions of ignorant and innocent creatures, and then took her hand away suddenly and let the sun stream down. Out on the pale criss-crossed sand, high-stepping, fringed, gauntleted, stalked some fantastic leviathan (she was still enlarging the pool), and slipped into the vast fissures of the mountain side. 

Excerpt from Virginia Woolf’s To The Lighthouse

Barnaby Edmonds as seen from a slightly different angle.

Many questions remain

Why did Barnaby Edmonds commit the crime? And was his punishment just?

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Why did the helicopter look so small?

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As for the reasoning behind Barnaby Edmond’s unique punishment; the helicopter pilot allegedly said, “you made me crash my air faring vehicle, so you can never fly again.”

Share your thoughts on the matter in the comments section below.

Overstocked and Understaffed Library Burns Books “We Had No Other Choice”

It’s a librarian’s worst nightmare: stacks of worn paperbacks disappearing forever into a crackling inferno. Their covers curl and melt as the ink runs down onto the pavement. Nearby a small heap of dust jackets escapes the blaze; these will be sent to the landfill as their plastic coating prevents a clean burn. I glimpse a copy of A Clockwork Orange and watch for a few moments as it turns to ash.

I am standing in a library parking lot in Allentown, Pennsylvania. My companions are not depraved arsonists or book-burning fascists, they are librarians. They wait around quietly, occasionally adding more fuel as a team of fire fighters supervises. A fireman, he asked not to be named so I will call him “Guy Montag”, walks over to us and warms his hands over a copy of Shakespeare’s Macbeth. “You never want to get caught in a burning library, you wouldn’t believe how fast these things go up when you have a load of them packed together.” Indeed. I turn towards Guy’s earnest grin, and he continues. “Eight years ago we had a fire in a book store. Whole place was ash before we even got the call.” Perhaps sensing the dour mood between myself and the librarians, he quickly adds “they were all insured of course… the books… well the building too. Lots of things are insured you know.”

This scene has become all too common across America. Underfunded libraries packed with books, but without the staff to manage them all, are forced to downsize. The kind of literary funeral pyre I witnessed in Allentown is an inevitable consequence. I asked Judy Morris, the library director, whether this was really the best course of action. “We really don’t have any other choice. Every book on the shelf takes a little bit of manpower to keep around. You know this kills me, as a librarian… we love books; you don’t end up in this kind of job unless you love books. It’s just… there’s an economic reality to contend with here and sometimes we have to make difficult concessions to that. Dumping in the landfill costs money so this really is the best in a set of terrible options. I know it probably doesn’t seem that way from the outside but it’s the truth. At least this keeps the library running.”

Libraries throughout the country will likely continue to be faced with difficult decisions like this. When I asked Judy what could be done, she was pessimistic. “I’m really not sure. The funding has been drying up for decades. It seems like the American voter has lost sight of the value that public libraries offer. Maybe someday they will come around but truthfully I don’t think that is going to happen. I only hope they remember what they have lost after it is gone.”

Emojis Are The New Cursive And It’s Time For Boomers To Learn It

Baby boomers have been looking down on younger generations for not being able to decipher language in the style known as ‘cursive.’

It has been reported that this older generation is known for taking pride in their ability to write words in one continuous line. One zoomer, age 11, even claimed that “this variation of the written language is somehow intellectually and culturally superior to standard manuscript.”

Lessons from school on how to write in “cursive”

Some have claimed that it doesn’t make much sense to pride oneself on doing things ‘the old fashioned way.’

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Automatic cars are known for their ease of changing gears and overall user friendliness.

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Enough about cars though… millennials and zoomers are fighting back by creating a new language that is challenging their elder’s ability to comprehend the way they communicate every day.

This evolution of the written language has been commonly referred to as “emojis.” What exactly is an “emoji?”

noun

1. a small digital image or icon used to express an idea, emotion, etc.
   

From the perspective of signalling theory, the main obstacle to the evolution of language-like communication in nature is not a mechanistic one. Rather, it is the fact that symbols—arbitrary associations of sounds or other perceptible forms with corresponding meanings—are unreliable and may well be false. As the saying goes, “words are cheap”. The problem of reliability was not recognized at all by Darwin, Müller or the other early evolutionary theorists.

Wikipedia

emojis liven up your text messages with tiny smiley faces

Screenshot of someone expressing happy, cool, and swag emotions in a sentence via the use of emojis.

Many baby boomers have been known to confuse the crying emoji for ‘crying of laughter’ emoji. Many have seen boomers make this mistake more often, but never in this context. Even if it were the crying 😢 emoji, it would still be a tasteless way to inform family of your son’s death.

Apples iPhone keyboard features a wide array of unique, well designed emojis.

Some zoomers are reportedly making their own emojis.. and millennials are following suit, causing the iPhone keyboard to become even more popular.

I cannot doubt that language owes its origin to the imitation and modification, aided by signs and gestures, of various natural sounds, the voices of other animals, and man’s own instinctive cries.

Charles Darwin, 1871. The Descent of Man, and Selection in Relation to Sex

We Interviewed The People Making Memes About Corn

Perhaps you have heard of the notorious meme pages on Facebook known as “Corn is the best crop & wheat is the worst” or “Corn” – even better, perhaps you follow them. We interviewed some of the admins of these highly niche content pages and were surprised at what we found.

A hilarious meme about receiving a text message from Corn.

Interviewer: What are your DM’s like?

One of the anonymous admins responded: “They are literally insane, for some reason Corn makes people extremely horny. The inbox is constantly full of horny Corn posters. One time someone sent us an image of a corn on the cob in their vagina.”

Interviewer: Why do you think people go so crazy about Corn?

Admin: I think people like being on the inside of an inside joke. That’s how I view the Corn pages as one big inside joke.

Interviewer: Huge swag.

Admin: There’s a group called a group where we angry react corn which was originally formed from an inside joke of a group where we angry react Ricky. I was very active in under the veil of corn. They loved it for a while but the corn group has 20k now all pretending to know the joke.

Interviewer: What are your favorite kind of corn memes?

Admin: My favorite corn memes are memes I change about eating pussy to eating corn.

Interviewer: Why do you think there are pages about Corn with thousands of followers as opposed to any of the other vegetables?

Admin: I’ve seen other vegetables and even have a page my friend Josh and I made called mango the fruit and it got no traction. I think it’s just slightly off the wall. Kinda like forklift memes, It makes you think ‘wtf.’ I’ve meet someone in the corn page that actually got the word corn tattooed above her eyebrow.

Interviewer: How has having Corn clout benefitted you IRL?

Corn admin’s interacting on Tinder.

Admin: This is a screenshot from my tinder. Lmaoooo.

Classic meme about Corn.

Phone Battery Life Low? If You Have A Car, You’re In Luck…

Cars are notorious for draining the battery of devices inside them. Until now…

Picture this: you and your friends are driving down the freeway. You have your phone plugged in, music playlist on blast, maybe watching a YouTube video or two. Amidst the enjoyment you see that dreaded red battery icon. Don’t panic! There’s a lifehack to fix that up in no time!

Don’t panic! Breathe. It is okay.

Following these steps may help fix the dreaded dead-phone-in-the-car predicament that we all fear. Disclaimer: your car make/model may effect the results listed below. Your mileage may vary (pun DEFINITELY intended).

1. Pull over.
2. Plug your phone into the cigarette lighter socket.
3. Put your car into park.
4. Roll down all the windows.
5. Switch the transmission into the worthless “N” position.
6. Rev your engine.
7. Like magic, your phone’s battery will shoot up to 100% in no time!

Until now, the “N” position seemed pretty pointless, huh? You’d step on the gas and nothing happens. Well we finally cracked the code. In fact, some drivers reported that the harder they pressed on the gas the brighter ALL the phone screens in the car got.

Wow!

The “N” might mean “Charge Now”.

There’s really nothing worse than cruising around without your favorite apps only to find out that the car is sucking battery life from all devices inside of it. Hopefully this lifehack helps you avoid the sinister fate many phones suffer when pulled out during those long drives.